The One I Ought To Be Equal To

You have read the same paragraph four times and you still could not tell anybody what it says.

That is where the evening is at, and it has been at that same spot for about three weeks. The book is difficult. It was always going to be difficult. And somewhere in you there is a settled belief that a serious person would be equal to it, and that not being equal to it is information about your mind.

So you go back to the paragraph. Fourth time. And then you close the book, not out of choice but out of a kind of dull defeat, and it sits there, and tomorrow the same four minutes happen again.

Two things are not coming here, and you have met them both.

Nobody is handing you a list. Not a title, not an author, not a genre, and no shelf of what a man ought to have read by now. Being handed one has never once opened a book, and mostly it adds one more thing to be behind on.

And nobody is saying one word about your phone. You know about the phone. Everybody knows. Being told again by a stranger returns nothing at all.

What I want to look at is the belief, because the belief is the thing doing damage and it is not true.

There is no obligation anywhere to be equal to everything. Scripture is remarkably direct about that, and it is direct about it in the context of God Himself.

The secret things belong unto the Lord

There is a sentence at the end of Deuteronomy 29 that draws a line between what is a person's business and what is not.

The secret things belong unto the LORD our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children, that we may do all the words of this law. (Deuteronomy 29:29, King James Version)

Look at the division.

Two categories. Secret things, which belong to God. Revealed things, which belong to us. And the sentence is not apologizing for the first category or promising it will open later. It simply assigns it elsewhere and moves on.

That is a very unusual thing to say to people who want to understand. It says there is a class of things not yours to grasp, and the not grasping is the correct arrangement rather than a failure in the one who does not grasp it.

You are not required to be equal to everything, and a paragraph read four times has never once been a report on your mind. Deuteronomy 29:29 assigns a whole class of things away from us without apologizing for it, and the Holy Spirit is the one saying that over a study at ten at night.

There is a second half and it is where the relief actually is.

Those things which are revealed belong unto us. There is a full portion, and it is genuinely ours, and the existence of the other category takes nothing away from the size of this one. Nobody is being kept short.

You have a full portion of what is yours to have, and a difficult book has never once been able to reduce it. It is written but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children, the portion is described as genuinely ours in the same breath as the limit, and the Spirit of God is saying that plainly here.

The book stopped being a book

Here is the mechanism, and it explains the fourth reading of the paragraph.

That object stopped being a book about three weeks ago and became a test.

A book is something a person reads for what is in it. A test is something a person reads to find out about themselves. And once an object has turned into a test, the reading changes completely: every difficult page is now evidence, and evidence has to be dealt with, which is why the same paragraph gets read four times.

Nobody reads a paragraph four times for the content. That is not comprehension, that is an attempt to pass.

You are sitting a test and not reading a book, and four readings of one paragraph have never once been about what the paragraph says. Deuteronomy 29:29 puts a class of things outside a person's portion without treating that as a shortfall, and the Holy Spirit is present with a man who has been examining himself for three weeks in a study.

And there is a second layer, and it is the one that makes it hard to stop.

Closing the book would settle the question, and the settled answer would be no. That is what it feels like. So the book stays open, because keeping the test unfinished keeps the verdict pending, and a pending verdict is more bearable than a bad one.

Which means the book is not open out of hope. It is open to prevent a result.

You have no verdict pending on you at all, and a book left open has never once been holding back a conclusion about a man. The written word describes the limit and the portion in the same sentence and treats neither as a loss, and His Spirit is the one who takes an examination off a man and hands him back a shelf.

Put it down, and start another one

So here is the assignment, and it comes with no caveat at all.

Put down the book that is not working tonight and start another one before you sleep.

Close it. Not after one more go at that paragraph. Not after finding a simpler book on the subject first. Where it sits, tonight.

And nobody here is going to tell you that it would come good with more effort, or that you should try it again in a few years, or that it is worth persevering. It might be all three. It closes tonight anyway.

Then start something else, ten pages, before you sleep, and let it be something well within reach.

You have a limit God drew Himself, and a paragraph read four times has never once been a report on a man's mind. The Holy Spirit is the one in that study with you, and Deuteronomy 29:29 assigns a whole class of things away from us and calls the rest of it genuinely ours.

Here is why well within reach and not something respectable.

The test needs difficulty to run. Ten pages of something easy tonight gives it nothing to grip, and the reading goes back to being about what is on the page, which is what it was before three weeks ago.

And that is not a lowering of standards. It is a return to reading.

You are able to close a hard book without answering its question, and choosing something easy tonight has never once been a lowering of anything. Deuteronomy 29:29 says the secret things belong unto the LORD our God, and the Holy Ghost is the one present with a man shutting a difficult book at ten at night.

The sentence I should be able to do this is going to arrive as it closes. Nobody said you should. There is no such requirement written anywhere.

You have things assigned away from you by God Himself, and a limit He drew has never once been a fault in the man standing at it. It is written those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children, the portion is called ours plainly and the limit is not called a loss, and the Spirit of God is saying it in a study tonight.